


Dwarves are plants?

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M, Thilbo, how to make a dwobbit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:51:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1388344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little Gimli tells Bilbo that dwarves grow out of the ground.  Planting ensues and Thorin has no clue what he's doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dwarves are plants?

**Author's Note:**

> this is a really old drabble i wrote last year and i wanted to post it here. I'm sure it has spelling errors

Gimli: “We no’ have mama’s.  We come out of da dirt.  Dat wat papa say.  We just spwing out of ho’es in da gwound!”  
  
Bilbo gasps at the thought of dwarves being beautiful green plants.  Were there dwarves hidden in the Shire?  Wait!  If they are plants…  then there are…

  
  
Gloin chuckles from the distance.  He can hear Gimli going on about the little fib he told his son, but the wondrous look on the hobbit’s face tripped his mischievous trigger.  He walked over to a plant and scrapped up a sapling before heading over to the hobbit.  
  
Gloin:  “Aye! Dwarves need be kept in the dark so we can become better miners!  A part of the earth we are!  Look here ye just need to plant this saplin’ and a new dwarf is born!”  
  
Gloin chuckled and held out the sapling to Bilbo.  Bilbo’s eyes flickered as he thought of growing his own little dwarf.  His hands clasped the sapling gently and cradled it to his chest.  He looked back at Gloin, unbelievably excited at this new found fact about dwarves.  
  
Bilbo: “Do I tend to it like a regular plant?  Do I feed it water or milk?  Does it need sunlight?! Oh!  Of course not!  He won’t be able to mine then!”  
  
Bilbo rocked the sapling as he thought of the best way to nurture the plant child.    
  
Gloin tried not to chuckle insidiously.  
  
Gloin: “Ye have to bury it and build a mountain ontop don’t ye know!  Or else it won’t be able to recognize one!  Just a bit of water, not to much!”  
  
Bilbo face lit up brighter with every instruction.  When Gloin was finished, Bilbo ran off to find the best place to bury his little dwarf child.  Gloin laughed and followed at a distance.  Bilbo had begun to dig a hole when Thorin strolled by and noticed the happy hobbit, cheerfully digging away.  
  
"Do you always garden in strange places?"  
  
Thorin noted that Bilbo had not even built a proper fence or prepared a designated area before the hobbit began to plant.  Bilbo was still caught in his delight at the news to really think of it as odd.  
  
"Thorin!  I am amazed at you dwarves!  Your incredible!"  
  
Thorin’s brow raised in question.  Odd little hobbit…  
  
Bilbo looked up at Thorin’s perplexed stare.  
  
Bilbo: “What is the matter?  Have you yet to plant one of your own?”  
  
Thorin: “We have no need for gardening things we cannot eat.”  
  
Bilbo burst out laughing.  
  
Bilbo: “No! Not that!  Ha Ha!  I mean have you planted a child yet?”  
  
The look on Thorin’s face could not be anymore befuddled then a child being told there are more important things than toys.    
  
Thorin: “…I do not understand your customs master hobbit…”  
  
Bilbo:  “My customs?  These are your customs.”  
  
They both stared bewildered at each other.  
  
Bilbo:  “Wait…  Do you also not know?”  
  
Thorin glared at the hobbit.  
  
Bilbo:  “Oh I did not mean to be rude!  I only meant to ask if you knew where Dwarf children came from?”  
  
Thorin felt insulted and ment o retaliate but then paused when he found no answer.  How shameful that an elderly dwarf not even know where dwarf children came from…  Bilbo caught Thorin’s thought and smiled brightly.  
  
Bilbo:  “Gloin said you had to plant this sapling and from the earth a new dwarf baby will grow!”  
  
Thorin took a step back.  What a ridiculous idea… But then Gloin did have a son…  Perhaps it was true…  Thorin’s debating thoughts began to dwindle and Bilbo repeated the same words Gloin had spoke.  The logic behind making dwarves better miners and convinced Thorin that he too wanted to plant a child.  His face grew as bright as the hobbit’s with the idea of growing a new dwarf.  
  
Thorin:  “I will plant one as well then.”  
  
Bilbo: “Oh…well I only have this one.  I do not know where to get them… hmmmm…”  
  
Bilbo brought his hand up to his chin as he thought hard.  Thorin smile fell at the idea he would not be able to bring new dwarves into this world.  Bilbo glanced at the saddened dwarf and reached for Thorin’s hands.  He smiled and guided Thorin’s hand to the sapling that was laying on the ground.  
  
Bilbo: “We can share this one”  
  
Bilbo’s smile lifted Thorin’s spirits and he nodded back to the hobbit.  Bilbo jumped back to his spot and quickly went back to work.  Thorin watched Bilbo carefully and mimicked every move.   After all, Hobbits knew plenty about gardening.   
  
Gloin grunted as he stifled his hysteric laughs.  Gandalf had been watching from the tree he rested on as he smoked his pipe weed.  He shook his head at the scene before him.    
  
Gloin decided it would be more fun if the two returned tomorrow to find a baby waiting.  Gloin ran off with Gimli in tow and returned the next morning with a poorly made doll.  He figured they would still be asleep by the time he returned.  But Bilbo and Thorin were already there… and in their arms… was a small little child that looked as thought it were a dwarf…or hobbit…  It’s small little feet slowly kicking out from Thorin’s arms.  
  
Gloin stared at the utterly confusing sight before his eyes.  Thorin held the child up and smiled warmly before passing it to Bilbo.  Gloin blinked….and blinked….and blinked…  
  
Maybe…  there was another way to create a dwarf…  He stared at the doll he held then dropped it and ran off to find another sapling to plant.  He was quick in digging a hole.  Unbenounced to him, Gandalf had not moved from his spot and was chuckling at foolish red headed dwarf.  He stood up and tapped his staff, a small light that just barely held onto the tip disappeared.  As he walked off he looked over his shoulder to the happy couple bickering over a proper name for the child.

 


End file.
